My Own Worst Enemy
by ollie bear
Summary: Starsky has demons from his past to deal with and he wants to do so without the help of Hutch
1. Chapter 1

This is not a death story.

I do not own Starsky or Hutch but what fun we would have if I did. And, yes, I would share.

I would like to dedicate this to the two best beta readers a new writer could ask for…Helen and Strut. Thanks so much. Ya'll are great.

Any mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Any feedback will be much appreciated. This is a work in progress and changes might be made as more chapters are written. That is if the readers want more.

**My Own Worst Enemy**

Ollie Bear

**Prologue**

Hutch stared at his reflection in the window. Droplets formed from the cold, foggy night matching the tears streaming down his face. In the back ground he could hear the ticking of the clock…how many times had he and Starsky beat the odds and laughed in the face of time yet again? This time would be different. Time really had won. He had lost everything, everyone, the one person who mattered to him the most was gone. Hutch had made sure of that a mere 96 hours ago.

His gun lay on the on the table beckoning as did the cassette he could not bear to listen to again. He knew he was taking the cowards way out, he could no longer go on. He was doing what Starsky couldn't. In his mind he could see his partner picking up the gun, handing it to him, urging him to pull the trigger. In one swift motion, he picked up the gun, bringing it to his mouth. As he pulled the trigger, he was startled to hear a door being kicked open. An anguished scream "NOOOOOO" was lost among the sounds of gunfire and shattered glass.

**Chapter 1**

Monday

8:00 p.m.

Eight years past Sweet Revenge

January 1987

Starsky had just finished his third cup of coffee and a burger with onions when his partner walked into the squad room. Quickly he stuffed the note he was reading into his jacket pocket.

"Starsk, you know that stuff will keep you up all night."

"What difference is it to you? Did you ever stop to think that I don't want to sleep tonight!!?" _Some demons are better faced wide- awake_. "Are you coming? You promised me a ride home in that so- called car of yours."

Hutch shot Starsky a concerned, what- the- hell- is- wrong- with- you look, but all he got in return was a view of his partner walking away with his middle finger up in the air. If Starsky was trying to piss him off, he was doing one helluva good job.

Starsky stared out of the rain splattered window as Hutch's car eased out of the parking garage. "Damn Hutch, ain't the weather depressing enough without this music you've got playing. Why do you listen to stuff sung by a man who always dresses in black? Reminds me of Simon Marcus. Just plain sick."

Hutch reached over and turned off the radio. "Johnny Cash is nothing like Marcus. He wears black as a symbol…he wears it for the poor and beaten down, for the sick and lonely, for the thousands who have died, for…"

Starsky interrupted, "Yeah, yeah whatever." Pulling off his jacket he continued. " All I know it's given me a headache and all this damn rain is making my chest and back hurt."

Suddenly Hutch flashed back, remembering another day in the same parking garage when his best friend was almost taken from him. After that day, their relationship was mended and all past hurt was put far behind them. _Is that what is wrong buddy, do you think you're not a good partner anymore? __Working ten days straight is hard on even the best cop, and with what Starsky went through mentally__and physically_… He shuddered at the memory and placed a shaky hand on Starsky's shoulder. "Hey, you okay buddy? You know you can always stay at my place for a couple of days. I'll even spring for the pizza and beer."

For a second Starsky seemed to soften up and Hutch thought he would finally tell him what was wrong, but just as suddenly, Starsky shot him a go- to- hell look and shouted, "NO, I'm not alright. Didn't you just hear me tell you I have a headache and my chest and back hurt? On top of that I'm dead tired from working 10 straight days, this rain is depressing and I have a partner who keeps asking me if I'm alright. DON'T YOUKNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP AND LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE?"The look on Hutch's face told Starsky he had hurt his friend deeply, and in a way that's what he wanted. He had to handle the three days ahead without any help from his best friend.

The two rode in tense silence the rest of the way to Starsky's house. As Starsky started to climb out, Hutch stopped him with a gentle touch to his arm. "Okay if I come in for awhile? Maybe catch a late movie?"

Starsky hesitated for a moment. It was obvious that Hutch did not realize the importance of today's date so he responded harshly. "When are you going to learn? When I tell you to leave me alone…LEAVE ME ALONE!!!I don't want your company tonight, tomorrow or the day after. I don't to want to even think about you until Friday."

Starsky jumped out of the car turned to go and then opened the door again. "And don't drive by or call. I do not want to see or hear from you. I don't need anyone, especially you checking up on me."

This time he turned and walked away, but not before seeing the hurt in the eyes of his best friend. A quote Starsky remembered reading in some magazine came to his mind _"Sometimes, when we care for someone with all our heart, we're soafraid of hurting_ _them that we push them away"._ As he thought of what was waiting for him in his apartment, Starsky prayed he really had pushed Hutch away…at least until Friday.

Hutch silently drove off in the night, once again listening to the man in black. "_Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I need."_ Neither partner was aware of the small recorder placed under the front seat of Hutch's car and it would be Thursday before Hutch realized Starsky had left his jacket behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**My Own Worst Enemy**

Ollie Bear

This is not a death story.

I do not own Starsky or Hutch, but sure do enjoy them.

Dedication:  To the two best beta readers ever:

_You're my pal, Hutch, err I mean Helen. _You really know how to make me think. What would I be without you? It's like you can read my mind and you have definitely helped me get into the mind of our two favorite guys.

_Strut,_ you have given me so much encouragement and advice. You always have a kind word and have really helped me in the grammar department especially with the first person/third person thing. You are great.

Many, many thanks to you both.

Thanks also to everyone who reviewed Chapter 1. You were all so sweet in your reviews.

All mistakes are mine and mine alone.

**Chapter 2**

Monday 11:30 p.m.

Hutch's Apartment

Hutch sat in his greenhouse nursing a beer, listening to the rain beating down on the roof. His mind replayed the day's events, trying to determine the reason for Starsky's uncharacteristically foul mood. Not once in the eight years since Gunther have they had a fight, much less shut each other out of their lives…they vowed to never again take each other for granted.

_Think man, think._ _What happened today? What happened to make Starsky so cold?_

The day started like any other. Well, almost like any other. It had been raining for three straight days and the beloved Torino was in the shop, so Hutch was driving. For once, Starsky was ready and waiting when the blonde pulled up to the apartment. Funny how anxious you are to get to work when you know you have the next four days off.

Starsky was in an incredibly good mood. While rummaging around in his pocket for a candy bar, he droned on and on about the horror movie marathon that was beginning at midnight.

"Hutch, how lucky can we get? Dracula, Frankenstein, The Bride of Frankenstein and Salem's Lot are coming on back to back and we don't have to get up in the morning. You gotta come over and watch. We can take a nap before and you can even stay over and sleep on the couch in case you get scared. Please"

Hutch smiled at the memory. It was so hard to resist Starsky's "little boy" pleading, but it was the first day of his vacation too. If only he had said yes. Instead he said he wanted to sleep in a go for a run on the beach.

Starsky started to make a smart - assed comment about running in the rain when the police radio cackled to life. There was a robbery in progress at a mom and pop grocery store located less than two miles from where they were. Starsky radioed in that they would go and requested back up.

The perp was still inside when the two arrived at the scene. Knowing there was no back entrance to the store, Hutch went left and Starsky went right.

The would - be robber was no more than 16 years old. He was startled by the entrance of the two detectives and took a shot at Hutch before running out of the store.

Starsky hesitated for second and then took off running after the kid. A couple of minutes later he came back in drenched and breathless with a very worried look on his face. He ran over to Hutch. "Hey buddy, you okay?'

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just a bruised ego and probably a bruised ass."

The brunet's body trembled as he pulled his friend into an embrace and then he said with a laugh, "Want me to take a look at it? You know be sure you're really okay.

"Yeah right…in your dreams. Let's get back to the station."

For the remainder of the day, the guys were busy with paperwork and phone calls. Starsky received an envelope right before leaving for the day, but when Hutch asked about it his answer was, "Oh it's nothing. Just something about the case we're working on." He quickly shoved it into his desk drawer saying, "It can wait until we come back to work"

_Listening to the rain still beating down on the roof, Hutch thought to himself, could it be that my stubborn partner somehow feels responsible for me getting shot at? We have had a few discussions about his ability to stay on the force, but his reflexes and ability to back me up have never been better and I thought he knew that. Or maybe he really was just tired and in more physical pain than he wanted Hutch to know about. Damn it Hutch…you should have out aside your own hurt feelings and insisted that Starsky come over for the evening. I had to try one more time to get him to talk. I vowed eight years ago to never let my best friend down and to always protect him from his own worst enemy…himself._

With determination, Hutch picked up the phone in one hand and his car keys with the other…he'd go and pick him up…kicking and screaming if he had to. Starsky picked up on the third ring. Silence…the blonde said a tentative "Hello" and was relieved when Starsky answered with "Hutch".

"Hey buddy, I'm glad you answered. I wanted to let you know that I'm on my way to pick you up. You're coming over here to watch the horror marathon with me." With a smile in his voice he added… "Heard the guy in Salem's Lot is a good actor."

There was a long silence on the other end and the reply that came broke Hutch's heart…"LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't want your company tonight." Tears stung his eyes and just before the phone went dead, he thought he heard his partner whisper " No Huuuuutch."

11:45 p.m.

Starsky's Apartment

Starsky groaned, _so much for facing my enemies wide awake_. When he entered his apartment, he knew who would be waiting on him, but did not anticipate what would be waiting for him. As soon as he walked through the door, he tripped over the nearly invisible wire that was strung across the threshold. He was then hit over the head and was now tied to his bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. He had a concussion and was sure he was given something else to help keep him knocked out.

The day's events played in his mind. He and Hutch were looking forward to a well deserved four days off. He didn't even mind riding in Hutch's beaten up "car". Then came the about the 211 in progress. When he saw Hutch go down, he was sure his partner had been shot. It was all the brunet could do to run out into the rain after the perp. Relief flooded through him, when upon re-entering the store, he saw his partner trying to stand up.

They never spoke about the incident and the rest of the day was spent working on reports and making phone calls. Right before quitting time an envelope came addressed to Mr. David Starsky. Recognizing the handwriting, the envelope was stuffed into a desk drawer and he waited until Hutch was in the john to read it. As soon as he realized what was being asked of him, he was thankful Hutch had declined the invitation to watch TV with him. Now he had to think of a way to piss Hutch off. A few minutes later the opportunity presented itself when Hutch yet again commented on his choice of food and beverage.

At least it hadn't been a lie back in the car when he said he had a headache as well as back and shoulder pain. The brunet almost caved in and told Hutch what was happening when he saw the concerned look on his blonde friend's face.

God how he wished Hutch was here now. And yet he was thankful his partner wasn't there. If he was, they would probably both be dead by now.

Suddenly he heard the jangle of the phone. _God, no, please don't let it be Hutch_.

He breathed a sigh of relief when the phone stopped after three rings. Hutch would not have hung up so soon. Just has darkness threatened to over take him again, he heard his own voice coming form the living room..._LEAVE ME ALONE._ Without thinking, he called out his partner's name. His last thought before succumbing to the pain of the concussion was that he would pay for that mistake; he just prayed that Hutch wouldn't.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hutch's Apartment

Early Tuesday morning

Confused, Hutch hung up the telephone with a heavy sigh and his eyes started to mist. He could swear Starsky whispered "No Hutch" right before he hung up, but how did that explain the "Leave me alone" so vehemently spoken seconds before. Maybe it was the weariness and beer talking, yet he could not shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. The blonde began pacing, trying to settle on what action to take.

Starsky's Apartment

Starsky awoke from unconsciousness with extreme pain in his left arm. With his good hand he reached towards a pain induced mirage and called out "Huuuutch. Please. I need you."

Suddenly the voice of George Ryan broke through the pain. "Oh…how sweet. I didn't think you would be able to last long without that blonde partner of yours. That was a stupid stunt you pulled calling for him over the phone. You know what will happen if he shows up. Although blondie hasn't come yet so maybe he isn't going to save you after all."

For a brief second a look of extreme hurt crossed the brunets face and then he spoke through clenched teeth, "You promised to leave Hutch out of this. My life for his. Isn't a cop's word good anymore? "

Ryan spoke with hatred in his voice. "You are the one that saw to it that Martin James and I are no longer cops or partners. Exactly one year ago yesterday he killed himself because you accused him stealing drugs. The investigation proved nothing, but he could not handle the looks and whispers behind his back. I swore on his grave that I would destroy you and your partnership with Hutch. I have been watching both of you closely over the last year and now I know the best way get rid of him."

Starsky could not keep the fear for his best friend out of his voice as he pleaded. "Look…this is between me and you. There is no reason to involve Hutch. Let me call him to be sure he doesn't come over. He'll believe me when I say nothing is wrong and no one will ever have to find out about any of this."

"Oh how touching. Do you think I am that stupid? My plan is working out brilliantly. I know the special bond you two share. You cannot keep him away…you are now his worst enemy."

George walked over to the phone, a tape recorder in his hand. He noted the panicked and confused look on the brunets face. "Now you are going to watch while you talk to Hutch."

While Ryan's back was turned, Starsky used his last bit of strength to knock the phone away and scream "No Hutch, please don't come." The brunet then screamed in pain as a knife was plunged into his leg.

Hutch's Apartment

The pacing ceased as the phone began to ring. He answered anxiously. "Hello…hello. Starsk is that you?"

The reply brought the blonde to his knees.

"Hutch. My chest and back hurt. Come over. Please"

Shakily the blonde replied, "Hold on buddy. I'm on my way. Just hang on."

Hutch's heart raced as he drove to Starsky's apartment. The torrential rain and flooded streets turned the normally fifteen minute ride into a thirty minute one. By the time he reached his destination, the only thing left was a bed soaked with blood and a cassette tape.

Hutch spied Ollie on the night stand and cuddled the bear as he inserted the cassette into Starsky's tape player. The pain laden voice of his partner filled the room _"Hutch. Please. I need you."_

_Oh my God buddy. What have I done? How much time did I waste feeling sorry for myself while you were suffering? I heard the pain in your voice and the hurt in your eyes, but I ignored it. Please don't let me be too late. Where are you?_

The ringing of a telephone brought the blonde out of his guilt ridden reverie. With a catch in his voice he answered and was surprised to hear the voice of his partner on the other end.

"When are you going to learn? LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I don't need anyone, especially you checking up on me."

Before he could question the brunet, the phone went dead.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Author's Note: In Chapter 1 Starsky left his jacket in Hutch's car with a mysterious letter in the pocket. I had said the jacket would not be found until Thursday; however, I have changed the time frame just a little for artistic purposes.

Tuesday 12:30 p.m.

Starsky's Apartment

Hutch was unaware of how much time had passed as he sat with Ollie clutched to his chest.

"_Dearest Hutch,_

_To you I entrust Ollie and Dave. Please love them both. Don't let either one of them change." _

_Oh God Starsky…let me keep that promise. Where are you buddy?_

_Okay…enough of the pity party. Call the lab and have them come over. Maybe the ass hole that did this left something behind. _

George Ryan's Apartment

"_No Hutch. No. I'm okay. Just go. Please go."_ Drenched with the sweat of a fever, Starsky awoke, handcuffed to a bed, momentarily confused as to where he was. Suddenly the memories came flooding back as the menacing figure of George Ryan entered the room.

"I should have known you would be dreaming about your partner. Well, soon enough he won't be your partner. In fact you will watch him die just as I watched Martin die. Unless…"

The brunet realized the hopelessness of his own situation, but if there was even a small glimmer of hope for Hutch..."unless what?"

"Understand your own life will be in danger. In fact, I'll be surprised if you live. If you do and say everything I ask, your beloved partner will be spared death by my hands_." Although, I am sure guilt will kill him in the end._

Starsky did not trust George for a second, but prayed to the universe for Hutch's life as he weakly replied, "I'll do whatever you want."

With the look of a man gone mad, and a police club in his hand, Ryan began beating the defenseless detective. Starsky screamed out the words he was ordered to, unaware of the tape recorder hidden under the bed.

Dejected and unsure where to go the blonde walked wearily to his car. The guys from the lab had shown up. Yes the blood was Starsky's, but it would take several hours to process the apartment. Soaked to the bone, he reached into the backseat for a towel and instead discovered the brown leather jacket. Tenderly the jacket was brought to his face so as to breath in the familiar scent of the brunets sandalwood afterhave. _Oh, God Starsk. Why did I let you go? I knew something wasn't right. I should have brought you straight to my place. Guess I was just too tired to argue. If anything has happened…I'll never forgive myself._

Suddenly Hutch felt guilty. A piece of fabric brought comfort to him, yet Starsky had nothing. As the jacket was placed tenderly on the passenger seat, the blonde noticed an envelope lying on the seat. Glancing around, but catching no sight of the messenger, he quickly read: _If you want to see blondie alive again, go to 5909 Hill Street at exactly 6:00 p.m. Tuesday evening. If you show up any sooner or bring back-up, you will find nothing but a dead partner_. The date on the letter was Monday.

No longer could the tears be stopped. The blonde shook with grief as he realized the sacrifice his partner had made.

At exactly 6:00 p.m. the beat up LTD pulled up at 5909 Hill Street. The house looked as if it had been boarded up for years. The blonde walked the perimeter of the dwelling, looking for clues and was headed back to the car, when he spied a small brown envelope. With shaky hands, the envelope was torn open and a cassette tape fell out. Running to his car, Hutch started the engine and put the cassette in.

Suddenly he could hear his partners voice, followed by screams of pain.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The rain had stopped, leaving in its wake a cold fog which blanketed and consumed the city, much like the guilt that now consumed Hutch. The blonde drove mindlessly to his apartment. The contents of the cassette tape played over and over in his head. His partners scream as he was being beaten…beaten to death. Even worse than those screams was the voice of the brunet begging his partner to come and help him…to rescue him.

The enormity of the sacrifice Starsky had made weighed heavily on Hutch. Wearily he left the shelter of his car and climbed the steps to his apartment. The guilt of the sacrifice accompanied with not helping his partner was more than the blonde could live with. Self blame was now his worst enemy and it was time to kill the enemy.

Dragging himself to the kitchen table, Hutch deposited the tape and took his gun out of its holster. For a brief while he stared at his reflection in the window…the droplets forming there matching the tears on his face. Hurriedly he scribbled a note, explaining why he was killing himself and silently he apologized to his friend, begging for forgiveness.

Quickly he turned from the window and brought the gun upwards towards his mouth. Suddenly the front door to the apartment was kicked open. Startled, the gun missed its target, instead firing into the blonde's right shoulder. The bullet exited and shattered the window behind just as Captain Dobey screamed "No Hutch, don't"

Dobey rushed over and gently lowered Hutch to the ground, trying to stop the flow of blood gushing from the blonde's shoulder. Somehow the captain reached the phone to call an ambulance and as he hung up the phone he caught sight of the note written seconds before. Before succumbing to unconsciousness, Hutch heard his Captain say, "Son hold on. Hold on for Starsky…he's not dead."

Memorial Hospital

Slowly he awoke to the sound of machines…the beep of the heart monitor the whishing of the respirator. Then came the awareness of the smells. Lysol, stale food, rubbing alcohol, and flowers. Hospital. No doubt, he was waking up in a hospital. Relief flooded him as he realized the machines were not hooked up to him, but why was the chair next to his bed empty? Usually his very concerned partner would be sitting there anxiously waiting for him to wake up.

Mindful of the injury to his shoulder the detective slowly turned to his left. Any relief he felt earlier now turned into fear. The machines he heard were hooked up to the patient in the bed next to his. Even in the midst of machines and bandages, he would recognize his partner anywhere. Slowly he crawled out of bed, ignoring his own injuries to make it over to his best friend. Gently he took his best friends hand into his own and whispered, "Hutch. What have you done?"

Overcome by pain, Starsky fumbled for a chair and ended up on the floor instead. As he struggled to get up, Captain Dobey entered the room. Seeing the brunet on the floor, he rushed over to help.

"David, what are you doing out of bed? You are in no condition.."

His words were cut off by a rush of questions from Starsky. "Cap. What happened? How did he get hurt? Did Martin somehow get to him?"

"Slow down. Hutch found a tape that Martin made while you were being beaten. He heard you screaming for help and at the end thought you were dead. He also found a note in your jacket and knew he was the intended target, not you. The guilt was more than he could bear and he tried to kill himself. I busted in his apartment just as he was raising the gun to his mouth, and although he missed the target, he shot himself in the shoulder. Dave, I am sorry. I tried to get to him, to tell him you were okay and that Martin was behind all this, but I was too late."

_What? How could Hutch think he was the target? The letter I got clearly said it was me that Martin wanted. Wait. Hutch was set up…the recordings, the letter. Martin knew Hutch would feel guilty. He wanted me to lose my partner…for my best friend to kill himself. Oh God buddy, why didn't I see this sooner?_

_TBC_


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: In Chapter 5 I mistakenly used Martin's name in place of Ryan's name about six times. Either no one noticed, or everyone was too kind to point out my error. Anyway, George Ryan is the one who "kidnapped" Starsky. Martin James was Ryan's partner and committed suicide one year ago because of accusations Starsky had made.

I want to thank everyone who read and commented on this story. I had so much fun writing it and almost hate for it to end. I posted as I went and some things did not come out quite as I had planned. I would like to make a few changes and post it at BCL.

A special thank you to Helen. Love ya!!!!

Chapter 6

_What? How could Hutch think he was the target? The letter I got clearly said it was me that Ryan wanted. Wait. Hutch was set up…the recordings, the letter. Ryan knew Hutch would feel guilty. He wanted me to lose my partner…for my best friend to kill himself. Oh God buddy, why didn't I see this sooner?_

The pain of seeing his friend lying there accompanied with the pain of his own injuries became too much for the brunet. With the help of Dobey, he stumbled to his bed and lay

down wearily. He looked longingly at Hutch, craving to touch him. To comfort him. He had so many unanswered questions, but before he could ask any of them, he fell into a restless sleep.

The Captain said a silent prayer for both men and then left to get some much needed rest.

A few hours later, Starsky heard Hutch struggling. He looked over and saw the blonde trying to remove his tubes and get out of bed. Quickly, the brunet leaped from his bed and grabbed his best friends' hands.

"Hey buddy. I'm right here." He saw the questioning look in the blondes' eyes and quickly added. "You're okay. We'll both be okay. Let me call for the doctor."

Hutch immediately calmed down and with tears in his eyes, he held onto Starsky for dear life. A look passed between them. A silent communication between two that have over the years become one.

_What happened?_

_I'll tell you after we get some rest._

_Are you really here?_

_I am really here._

_I am sorry._

_No, I am sorry._

_I love you._

_I love you too._

After Hutch's tubes were taken out, Starsky persuaded the doctor to move his bed closer to his friend. The two men quickly fell into a deep, healing sleep. Tomorrow would be soon enough for all questions to be answered. All that mattered now is that healing has begun and souls were reunited.

Epilogue

In the days that followed, Starsky recounted the events leading to their hospital stay. George Ryan was one sick man. He planted evidence to keep the police off track as to Starysky's whereabouts. The audiotapes and letter served to make Hutch so distraught that when he saw a blanket covered body at Ryan's apartment, with Starsky's signature sneakers sticking out, the detective assumed the worse.

Both questioned the others motives…Hutch's attempted suicide and Starsky sacrificing himself for Hutch. The answer from both was the same. Neither could live without the other.

Finally, Satrsky pulled out of his jacket pocket the original letter he had received from Ryan that day in the squad room.

_Detective Starsky,_

_I am sure you do not remember the significance of today's date, however, I am sure you remember me and the promise I made to you._

_Exactly one year ago today, my partner and best friend killed himself because of your accusations against him. Accusations that were never proven. I swore on his grave that I would avenge his death and I will._

_If you do not want the same fate to happen to your partner, then you will do exactly what I tell you._

_You will go home and I will be waiting for you. I have plans for you. Plans that do not involve Hutchinson. If you so much as one word of this to blondie, I will go after him next._

_George Ryan_

Again, no words were necessary. The best friends looked into each others eyes and spoke silently.

_Thank you. I wish you hadn't done that._

_You would have done the same for me._

_Yes. I would have._

_Know something?_

_What?_

_I would do it again._

_I know. Me too._

_When we go, we go together._

_THE END_


End file.
